So.. I've got 3 ScreenPasses to give away. I have a decent amount of movies to choose from. First come, first serve. Movies I own that are eligible for ScreenPass are posted below, in no particular order, so you don't claim a pass just to find you already have what I do or you're not interested in what I've got. The majority are 4k when available, with very few exceptions and I might have 1-2 movies listed more than once. I apologize in advance.
Wonder Woman
Die Hard 1-5
Fast And Furious (all minus Tokyo Drift)
The Matrix 1-3
Taken 1-3
Batman (NolanVerse) 1-3
The Lost World of Jurassic Park
Jurassic Park III
Underworld 1-3
Batman vs Superman Dawn of Justice
How To Train Your Dragon 1-2
i, Robot
Ocean 11, 12, 13
30 Days of Night
Jennifer's Body
Unleashed
Lord of The Rings Extended Edition 1-3
The Hobbit Extended Edition 1-3
Rush Hour 1-3
Moulin Rouge
Training Day
Armageddon
Gone In 60 Seconds
Inception
Constantine, City of Demons (Animated)
Ready Player One
Live. Die. Repeat. Edge of Tomorrow
Logan
The Revenant
Me Before You
The Notebook
The Legend of Tarzan
The Shawshank Redemption
The Town
Argo
Salt
The Hangover 1-3
The Accountant
Justice League Dark (Animated)
Love And Basketball
Straight Outta Compton
Serenity
Martian
V for Vendetta
Lucy
Blade Runner (The Final Cut)
Blade Runner 2049
Schindlers List
Watchmen
Batman: Mask of The Phantasm
Man of Steel
The Death and Return of Superman
Batman: The Dark Knight Returns (Deluxe Edition)
Jason Bourne 1-5
Batman: Gotham By Gaslight (Animated)
Batman: Under The Red Hood (Animated)
The Meg
Rock N Rolla
Frequency
Stranger Than Fiction
American Gangster Unrated (Extended Edition)
The Incredible Hulk (Edward Norton)
Batman: Hush (Animated)
Batman: The Killing Joke (Animated)
Batman Returns
Batman ‘89
Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox (Animated)
Justice League: War (Animated)
Apollo 13
The Conjuring
Atomic Blonde
Step Brothers
Planet of The Apes 1-3 (newer version)
Ted 1-2
Goodfellas
Jumanji ‘95
Aquaman
Labyrinth
The Fifth Element
Tarzan (Animated)
Wonder Woman Bloodlines (Animated)
Spider-Man (Raimi/Maguire)
Detective Pikachu
Pacific Rim
IT Chapter One
Hellboy (2004)
The Goonies
Fantastic Beasts And Where to Find Them
Black Hawk Down
Batman & Mr. Freeze, Sub Zero (Animated)
Batman Beyond: Return of The Joker (Animated)
San Andreas (Dwayne Johnson)
Sherlock Holmes 1-2
Life of Pi
The Prestige
The Purge 1-4
Se7en (Brad Pitt/Morgan Freeman)
Pitch Black
Troy
Alien
Christine ‘83
King Kong (2005)
Independence Day Resurgence
Alien Covenant
The Shape of Water
47 Ronin
Gremlins
Predator 1-4
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Aladdin: Return of Jafar
Aladdin and The King of Thieves
Kingsman 1-2
Riddick (Unrated Directors Cut)
Assassin's Creed
The Chronicles of Riddick (Unrated Directors Cut)
Suicide Squad
Suicide Squad Extended Cut
12 Strong
Lone Survivor
Black Swan
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (Unrated)
Kingdom of Heaven (Directors Cut)
Wonder Woman Commemorative Edition (Animated)
The Mummy (Tom Cruise)
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Mummy 1-3 (Fraser)
Split
Unbreakable
Batman vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Animated)
Girl on The Train
Focus
Wanted
Safe House
Justice League Doom (Animated)
Son of Batman (Animated)
Batman vs. Robin (Animated)
Superman Unbound (Animated)
Batman: Bad Blood (Animated)
Batman: Assault on Arkham (Animated)
Justice League vs Teen Titans (Animated)
Godzilla, King of The Monsters
Kick-Ass 2
Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter
Hercules (Animated)
King Arthur, Legend of The Sword
Constantine (Keanu Reeves)
Blade 2&3
Shaun of The Dead
Hot Fuzz
The Wolfman (Unrated Edition)
The Fault in Our Stars
Hellboy: The Golden Army
Shazam!
The Shining
Veronica Mars
Prometheus
The Bye Bye Man
The Gallows
Green Lantern: Emerald Knights (Animated)
Green Lantern (Ryan Reynolds)
Murder On The Orient Express
Skyscraper (Dwayne Johnson)
The Nun
The Departed
The Quick and The Dead
Casino
Jaws
Upgrade
The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
Tombstone
Poseidon
Rampage (Dwayne Johnson)
Romeo Must Die
Mama
Scarface
The Gift
Live by Night
Black K Klansman
Gone Girl
28 Days Later
Collateral Beauty
The Gunman
Her
The Strangers Prey At Night
Pan
Incarnate
The Great Wall
Get Out
Jerry Maguire
Gravity
The Strangers (Unrated)
Contraband
Swordfish
Prisoners
Close Encounters (Directors Cut, Special Edition, Theatrical release)
The Death of Superman
Batman and Harley Quinn
Warcraft
The Forest
Godzilla
Snow White and The Huntsman (Extended Edition)
Huntsman Winter War (Extended Edition)
Fantastic Beasts The Crimes of Grindelwald
R.I.P.D.
300
Van Helsing
The Last Samurai
Everest
Battleship
The Big Lebowski
Leon The Professional
Taxi Driver
Ninja Assassin
Alfred Hitchcock Collection (Psycho, Rear Window, Vertigo, The Birds)
Bad Times at The El Royale
Full Metal Jacket
Interview With a Vampire
The Exorcist
Gran Torino
Blood Diamond
Superman Doomsday
District 9
Back to The Future 1-3
How The Grinch Stole Christmas (Jim Carrey)
I Am Legend
Annabelle Creations
Inglorious Bastards
The Book of Eli
The Green Mile
Snow Falling on Cedars
Bad Boys 1-2
The Old Man & The Gun
Fight Club
Robin Hood (Gerard Butler)
Insidious 1-3
Gatsby (DiCaprio)
Hancock
Starship Troopers
Pan's Labyrinth
American Made
Superman vs The Elite (Animated)
Dracula Untold
Triple 9
Krampus
Justice League
V For Vendetta
The Maze Runner
The Scorch Trials
The Death Cure
Batman v Superman (theatrical/Ultimate edition)
12 Monkeys
The Breakfast Club
Ouija
Resident Evil/Afterlife/Apocalypse/Extinction
Justice League: The New Frontier (Animated)
Teen Titans: Judas Contract (Animated)
Exodus God's and Kings
Morgan
Lucky Logan
London Has Fallen
Oz The Great and Powerful
Lés Miserables
In The Heart of The Sea
Air Force One
Beetlejuice
Olympus Has Fallen
Ouija: Origin of Evil
Hook
127 Hours
Zombieland
Hitch
The Mask of Zorro
The Conjuring 2
Queen of The Damned
The Hobbit 1-3 (Theatrical/Extended Edition)
Lord of The Rings 1-3 (Theatrical/Extended Edition)
Title says it. I have 3 ScreenPasses to give away with about 350 eligible titles, give or take a few. First come, first serve basis. Below is a list of the movies available so you can look to see what's available before you decide you wanna grab a pass. One or two might be repeated once or twice. Forgive the confusion. ALL GONE.
Wonder Woman
Die Hard 1-5
Fast And Furious (all minus Tokyo Drift)
The Matrix 1-3
Taken 1-3
Batman (NolanVerse) 1-3
The Lost World of Jurassic Park
Jurassic Park III
Underworld 1-3
Batman vs Superman Dawn of Justice
How To Train Your Dragon 1-2
i, Robot
Ocean 11, 12, 13
30 Days of Night
Jennifer's Body
Unleashed
Lord of The Rings Extended Edition 1-3
The Hobbit Extended Edition 1-3
Rush Hour 1-3
Moulin Rouge
Training Day
Armageddon
Gone In 60 Seconds
Inception
Constantine, City of Demons
Ready Player One
Live. Die. Repeat. Edge of Tomorrow
Logan
The Revenant
Me Before You
The Notebook
The Legend of Tarzan
The Shawshank Redemption
The Town
Argo
Salt
The Hangover 1-3
The Accountant
Justice League Dark
Love And Basketball
Straight Outta Compton
Serenity
Martian
Lucy
Blade Runner (The Final Cut)
Blade Runner 2049
Schindlers List
Watchmen
Batman: Mask of The Phantasm
Man of Steel
The Death and Return of Superman
Batman: The Dark Knight Returns (Deluxe Edition)
Jason Bourne 1-5
Batman: Gotham By Gaslight
Batman: Under The Red Hood
The Meg
Rock N Rolla
Frequency
Stranger Than Fiction
American Gangster Unrated (Extended Edition)
The Incredible Hulk (Edward Norton)
Batman: Hush
Batman: The Killing Joke
Batman Returns
Batman ‘89
Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox
Justice League: War
Apollo 13
The Conjuring
Atomic Blonde
Step Brothers
Planet of The Apes 1-3 (newer version)
Ted 1-2
Goodfellas
Jumanji ‘95
Aquaman
Labyrinth
The Fifth Element
Tarzan (Animated)
Wonder Woman Bloodlines
Spider-Man (Raimi/Maguire)
Detective Pikachu
Pacific Rim
IT Chapter One
Hellboy (2004)
The Goonies
Fantastic Beasts And Where to Find Them
Black Hawk Down
Batman & Mr. Freeze, Sub Zero
Batman Beyond: Return of The Joker
San Andreas (Dwayne Johnson)
Sherlock Holmes 1-2
Life of Pi
The Prestige
The Purge 1-4
Se7en (Brad Pitt/Morgan Freeman)
Pitch Black
Troy
Alien
Christine ‘83
King Kong (2005)
Independence Day Resurgence
Alien Covenant
The Shape of Water
47 Ronin
Gremlins
Predator 1-4
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Aladdin: Return of Jafar
Aladdin and The King of Thieves
Kingsman 1-2
Riddick (Unrated Directors Cut)
Assassin's Creed
The Chronicles of Riddick (Unrated Directors Cut)
Suicide Squad
Suicide Squad Extended Cut
12 Strong
Lone Survivor
Black Swan
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (Unrated)
Kingdom of Heaven (Directors Cut)
Wonder Woman Commemorative Edition
The Mummy (Tom Cruise)
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Mummy 1-3 (Fraser)
Split
Unbreakable
Batman vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Girl on The Train
Focus
Wanted
Safe House
Justice League Doom
Son of Batman
Batman vs. Robin
Superman Unbound
Batman: Bad Blood
Batman: Assault on Arkham
Justice League vs Teen Titans
Godzilla, King of The Monsters
Kick-Ass 2
Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter
Hercules (Animated)
King Arthur, Legend of The Sword
Constantine (Keanu Reeves)
Blade 2&3
Shaun of The Dead
Hot Fuzz
The Wolfman (Unrated Edition)
The Fault in Our Stars
Hellboy: The Golden Army
Shazam!
The Shining
Veronica Mars
Prometheus
The Bye Bye Man
The Gallows
Green Lantern: Emerald Knights (Animated)
Green Lantern (Ryan Reynolds)
Murder On The Orient Express
Skyscraper (Dwayne Johnson)
The Nun
The Departed
The Quick and The Dead
Casino
Jaws
Upgrade
The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
Tombstone
Poseidon
Rampage (Dwayne Johnson)
Romeo Must Die
Mama
Scarface
The Gift
Live by Night
Black K Klansman
Gone Girl
28 Days Later
Collateral Beauty
The Gunman
Her
The Strangers Prey At Night
Pan
Incarnate
The Great Wall
Get Out
Jerry Maguire
Gravity
The Strangers (Unrated)
Contraband
Swordfish
Prisoners
Close Encounters (Directors Cut, Special Edition, Theatrical release)
The Death of Superman
Batman and Harley Quinn
Warcraft
The Forest
Godzilla
Snow White and The Huntsman (Extended Edition)
Huntsman Winter War (Extended Edition)
Fantastic Beasts The Crimes of Grindelwald
R.I.P.D.
300
Van Helsing
The Last Samurai
Everest
Battleship
The Big Lebowski
Leon The Professional
Taxi Driver
Ninja Assassin
Alfred Hitchcock Collection (Psycho, Rear Window, Vertigo, The Birds)
Bad Times at The El Royale
Full Metal Jacket
Interview With a Vampire
The Exorcist
Gran Torino
Blood Diamond
Superman Doomsday
District 9
Back to The Future 1-3
How The Grinch Stole Christmas (Jim Carrey)
I Am Legend
Annabelle Creations
Inglorious Bastards
The Book of Eli
The Green Mile
Snow Falling on Cedars
Bad Boys 1-2
The Old Man & The Gun
Fight Club
Robin Hood (Gerard Butler)
Insidious 1-3
Gatsby (DiCaprio)
Hancock
Starship Troopers
Pan's Labyrinth
American Made
Superman vs The Elite
Dracula Untold
Triple 9
Krampus
Justice League
V For Vendetta
The Maze Runner
The Scorch Trials
The Death Cure
Batman v Superman (theatrical/Ultimate edition)
12 Monkeys
The Breakfast Club
Ouija
Resident Evil/Afterlife/Apocalypse/Extinction
Justice League: The New Frontier (Animated)
Teen Titans: Judas Contract (Animated)
Exodus God's and Kings
Morgan
Lucky Logan
London Has Fallen
Oz The Great and Powerful
Lés Miserables
In The Heart of The Sea
Air Force One
Beetlejuice
Olympus Has Fallen
Ouija: Origin of Evil
Hook
127 Hours
Zombieland
Hitch
The Mask of Zorro
The Conjuring 2
Queen of The Damned
The Hobbit 1-3 (Theatrical/Extended Edition)
Lord of The Rings 1-3 (Theatrical/Extended Edition)
I’ve been completing some deeply disturbing crosswords
I latch onto specific problems and when I do everything else around me diminishes into nothingness until I complete the task at hand. I line these problems up and solve them, one-by-one, and I find updating the task list awfully difficult. If I am on my way to do a job, breaking off to attend to something else is almost impossible. I once finished buttering my toast before putting out a fire by the stove. I once lost a girlfriend after she trapped her fingers in a food processor, and I quietly went over to the fridge and put the milk away before turning to help her. She couldn’t believe that I hadn’t rushed over straight away, but of course it wasn’t really like that. I was unable to review or address my priorities until my mind had freed itself from the current task. I have to manage these tendencies. And I learned at an early age that it helps to focus on discrete tasks that, if things get really bad, I can remind myself don’t matter. That, at least, limits the anxiety of abandoning them. I have my work and that gets me through the day, but outside of those hours I need other things to pull me through. I can paint and read and they’re involving, for sure, but they don’t tend to have the sense of completion that I get from a simple puzzle. Jigsaws, sudoku, word searches, videogames; these all make up part of it but oddly enough it’s crosswords that have taken over my mind. It started because they weren’t too taxing and if I was pushed to cheat then it didn’t really matter. They let me say things like, “Right, I’ll do 9 across while on the toilet and that’s it.” Like most things I put my mind to, I quickly turned the hobby into an obsessive pursuit of completion. The harder they were, the better. If I had to watch a film, read a book, or even visit a real-life location to get an answer, I would. And I credited it all with pushing me out of my comfort zone in order to experience new things. I would have never watched Breakfast at Tiffanies, read Little Women, or visited the London Museum of Natural History without needing to get answers from them. And they were all new experiences for me, some better than others, but I enjoyed the feeling of expanding my little bubble with each new puzzle. Crosswords, like everything, have communities surrounding them and I even found a few friends online. For some, the compulsion to get obscure answers was a vital lifeline to the outside world, and you’d be surprised at some of the cultures lurking at the fringe. A good crossword is more than just a puzzle, it’s a curated string of experiences picked to evoke a deliberate journey. A common example might be the kind of thing some tourists could use to guide them around a city: Below the Phoenix of a Blinded Saint, 8 down. Resurgam – the answer can be found carved on a stone beneath a statue of a phoenix at St Paul’s Cathedral. But what about something like the following: The final song of a thunderous singer, 5 across. The answer was Toxic, the final song lip-synced by a Drag Queen (Daytona Thunder) at a popular club in Manchester. I went a long way for that one and had a surprisingly good night, albeit one a little outside my wheelhouse. But still, I got the answer and it wasn’t like I’d find it just by reading the forums (posting answers is a big no-no if you want to get into the best clubs). The creator was a well-known Queer academic working out of London who has a popular following in the community. I appreciated their work but perhaps not as much as those by one anonymous Berliner. A companion’s lips tasted through the looking glass, 6 across. Her name was Alice and she was an escort for an agency called Intimate Companions. She was wearing Cherry lip gloss, something I found through a process of elimination. Over the last few years I’ve discovered more about myself than I ever would have at home. I have learned that I can lie very well, that when I know who I am meant to be, who others want me to be, I can be confident and even charming. I have learned that I am not a jealous person, that I am not a vain person, and that there are times when I can be as reckless and adventurous as anyone else. I just need a reason to, a job to complete with routes to success I understand. The name of a one-eyed watchmen’s gun, 12 across. There was a policeman—with two eyes, I might add, but the unfortunate Christian name of Dick—and the answer was the serial number of his gun, converted to letters. That was an odd one, but absolutely invigorating. The crossword had been made with clearly defined geographical boundaries which helped (many of us attended it as a communal event although I largely acted alone), and for a moment I almost thought the policeman was in on the game. Right up until he tried to shoot me. Like I said, the experiences can be invigorating. But the good ones, the really good ones, they can be a struggle to find. You have to be accepted into the right groups, often you’ll be vetted, even tested, but the reward can be worth it. I’ll never forget the day I had a hand-delivered envelope deposited at my doorstep and the anticipation I felt opening it, unknotting the brown twine so delicately tied around the heft. God, some of them even had wax seals. I liked those the most. I found the violet and crimson seals delicious to look at. But they were so, so much more than simple puzzles. A principled affair, 5 down. The headmaster of the local school was having an affair with her sister-in-law, Sarah. It was hard to find that out. It wasn’t exactly public knowledge. Frankly, I had to resort to stalking and it wasn’t a good look, but it was a new experience nonetheless and the few times I nearly got caught were quite exhilarating. But what was truly amazing was that this was at the school just a few blocks from my house! You have to understand, it wasn’t just a template handed out to everyone. I still don’t know how big any of these communities really are but I imagine they’re quite small and involve people from all over the world. It was truly remarkable to think someone had laboured over a tailor-made puzzle just for me. There are quite a few groups I belong to now. Some aren’t even organised online, instead requiring that you ferret them out, sometimes as clues in other puzzles, sometimes as their own elaborate games. But there are always more to be found and in the best circumstances, they find you, choosing you out of all the people in the world to rise to the challenge at hand. The right ones will push you to do things you never thought possible. A baker’s jewels, 7 down. Harriet Baker who died in 2012 at the age of 86 and was buried with an emerald necklace in the local graveyard. I still have it, kept away somewhere in a special drawer along with news clippings of the crime. It even has some of the soil from the grave still muddying its shimmering gems, and admittedly they do still smell a bit. But I bet that I know something most people don’t, and that’s what happens to little old Grandma five years after being sealed up in a box beneath the Earth. Not just the abstract, either. I know the specifics, I know exactly what she looks like, smells like, and even what her cold lumpen flesh feels like. I spent years as a child wondering what happened to the many relatives of mine who passed away, but it was an adult I finally found the answer. People have lived their whole lives looking down on me. Teachers assumed I was slow at learning, my parents mourned that I cared more about organising my wargaming miniatures than I ever did about girls or friends, everyone around me treated me like I was a timid mouse in a world of thundering giants. But I’ve lived a more exciting life than they could ever imagine, and it hasn’t been in spite of who I am. Only someone like me could pursue these clues to such dogged ends and I gladly take the bad with the good. The colour of the tea plates served by the Biellier Historical Society, 9 up. Don’t let the name fool you. The Society is a private organisation for some rather unusual gentlemen who serve tea after their annual conference is finished. Crazy bastards, I can see why they need a drink once they’re finished and I’m not surprised half of them didn’t take a seat during refreshments. I’m just not sure I’ll ever look be able to look a farm animal in the eye again. Oh, and turquoise, by the way. That was the answer. I know things very few people know. That’s a rare privilege and, like I said, it comes with a price. It would be ridiculous to think one might look upon the fraying edges of our world without having to face some uncomfortable sights. And you might think the worst of it is a leather-bound orgy in a dungeon or perversions you can safely find on Wikipedia, but there are other lingering truths buried in the Earth and I am one of the few who have seen them. There is always more to learn, always another word to find, another puzzle to complete. And I have come a long way in my education since I first received that letter on my doorstep years ago. The inheritor of Maeson’s oldest home, 6 down. Albert. Albert was the named inheritor of the first house built and designed by obscure architect Harold Maeson. It was not, as almost everyone first expected, the current owner’s first born son named Alexander, but instead the old man’s male sexual interest Albert who was a rather unwilling 17 year old. Perhaps the old man thought it made up for his actions towards the boy he had kept around as a family friend for years, disguising his abuse as mentorship. Either way it caused a tremendous uproar and poor Albert wasn’t exactly thrilled to have his face all over the papers. No one could have possibly known he would be the inheritor. The will was written up in total secrecy, something I spent considerable resources finding out. Credit where it’s due, the old man put up a fight but his death was the only way I would get my answer. I can’t speak for others, but I found the experience quite a revelation. I felt as if I’d learned profound hidden knowledge, a truth about reality found in the glassy bloodshot eyes of a man violently dying. There’s something in there, you know, something that lies just beneath our own reality. I saw a glimmer of it that night, just like I had so many others before it. It’s quite beautiful, a confusing glittering mess of contradictions and unknowable madness. It is, by definition beyond our ability to every truly know but you can still see facets of it, one bit at a time. It’s beautiful. But… well, it’s not always so painless. The missing piglet counted right to left, 5 up. Eight. That was the answer. I spent all night researching fairy tales and children’s rhymes only to fall asleep at my desk sometime around 2 in the morning. When I awoke I had been moved to the sofa and my left foot was raised on the armrest and bandaged heavily. The whole tingled from anaesthesia and it wouldn’t be until noon before I could walk on it again. Anxiously, I undid the white swaddle of blood-tinged gauze and winced at the sight of my mutilated foot. The middle toe on my left foot had been amputated cleanly, the wound sewn up neatly like a cross-stitched grin. Counting right to left, I noticed it was the eighth toe missing and I have to admit I pumped my fist in the air and rejoiced at having the answer. But the experience caught me off guard, and it might not surprise you to know that I have since looked into slowing down and maybe even taking a short break from this hobby. I’ve had to manage these tendencies in the past and I suppose this one should be no different. But there have been some difficulties. For one thing, they won’t stop sending new puzzles to me and it’s all but impossible for me to ignore them. And for another, the clues are becoming increasingly pointed. A sea of white and flakes of gold to flood a castle of ivory, 6 down. Cereal, right? That’s what I thought, at least until I had the unpleasant surprise of discovering a needle hidden in my cornflakes. That, it turned out, was the correct answer and I was lucky to catch it before it wound up anywhere near my mouth. The thought of that thing sliding down my throat or catching in the roof of my mouth, spearing the gum and cartilage, left me riddled with an ever-growing anxiety. Clubs have pushed things in the past, boundaries take a backseat when it comes to pursuing the absolute limit of knowledge. But it felt like such an odd inclusion for the latest puzzle, one that didn’t necessarily teach me anything. If I had the ability to trace it to a single group I might have a better sense of what it was meant to mean, but then again anonymity was always kind of the point. The currency of a strategic withdrawal, 3 up. I initially thought of the military, but in fact the answer was Yen and it turned out that around £50,000 worth of them had been withdrawn from my account (by myself, somehow) at the bank. God knows how that was possible, but it happened and there’s not a lot I could really do about it. I’ve written to some of the groups but as far as I can tell they’re playing coy. I am sorry, one replied. But our puzzles are sent out as part of a weekly newsletter via e-mail. We’re not sure we’ve ever offered bespoke crosswords but we’d be fascinated to hear more if there’s anyone out there who does. It’d interest quite a few of our members, myself included. I received similar variations to this message from just about every organisation I had listed in my ledger and frankly I found the suggestion ridiculous. I’d always assumed those newsletters were part of a front, making it appear as though the focus was on banal little puzzles about obscure military defeats while secretly directing us to brothels and illegal casinos. It made sense, perhaps, that they would maintain the ruse but an acquaintance I called wasn’t exactly reassuring. “Well of course they’re a front,” he said. “Don’t you get the packages? I’ve had a few seedy adventures with those!” “Oh that’s good!” I laughed while breathing a deep sigh of relief. “I was beginning to think… well, I’m not sure what I was thinking.” “Oh yes the packages are very real,” he replied. “The Spring edition was quite a naughty affair, don’t you think?” “Invigorating,” I smiled. “I didn’t even know where to buy a burlap sa—” “Strawberry!? Can you imagine? The Mrs and I had a delight trying out the different flavours.” “What?” “Oh come now man, no need to be shy. It’s quite normal to use… lubricant,” he whispered it like a dirty secret. “Agnes suggested we try it on toast!” I hung up with his laughter still bellowing down the other line. My Spring edition of our shared club was not anything like his. I told myself that it made sense it wouldn’t, they were meant to be custom made for each participant, but it alarmed me to hear that his activities were so dreadfully banal. Most of the clues in that edition had directed me to the consumption of a range of meats including something I scraped off the side of a suspension bridge. Nothing my friend had said to me rang true. Rightly, I should have stopped there. But… but the thing is… it was never really an option, not then and not now. I’m sure you think it’s a silly compulsion or anxiety but it’s not. I can’t do it. It’s simply not in my nature especially not now I know that God-knows-what could be lurking around the corner. I’ve explained this to myself and others before – I am task focused. I needed to finish the job at hand. PO Box 19777, open it from within, 9 down. I found the box with ease but there was no key nor any means to open it from within. Whatever the rationale was behind the puzzle, I thought at the time that the whole affair was beginning to frustrate me. I didn’t see any significant challenge to tracing the address, aside from finding the key which, it would turn out, was very much part of the clue. In fact, I’m still not entirely sure how they did it. I awoke to a sort of gagging sensation one night, dreaming that I had swallowed a tangle of wet hair. Only the terrible retching sensation wasn’t entirely dreamed up. Tied to my canine was a line of floss that I painfully had to pull up from my stomach. It was unnecessarily long, spooling out of my throat in a bloody tangle for a good few metres while I vomited and cried from the struggle. It took nearly half an hour to inch it out while I choked and retched but eventually I regurgitated the key, collapsing afterwards to the floor to heave and sob as I recovered. There was a teddy bear in the locker and I didn’t find it particularly amusing. And, yes, okay, there was a mild satisfaction to getting the answer, but the rest of me was filled with a deep begrudging. I felt like the punchline to a joke that wasn’t funny. A starry orchid’s window of choice, 7 down. The answer was eyeball, and it turns out the consumption of the flower in question causes bloody secretions from the tear ducts, not to mention renal failure. It wasn’t easy to explain that one away, and I didn’t much appreciate the stay at a hospital. The price for that answer may one day be dialysis, but for now I hope that I may still see myself clear of such things. The doctors couldn’t say for sure what the chances were. At the very least I hoped that I might find some respite while interred in a hospital bed, but if anything it made things worse. I was not prepared to be incapacitated for so long with the knowledge that the puzzle was but one clue from completion. I was itching furiously for the last few days, and my doctors were confounded by the state of my heart and were blind to the other tell-tale signs of anxiety. There would be no rest for me until I had finished the puzzle and I swore to myself, swore blind on my mother’s grave, that it would be the last. If things got much worse, I reminded myself, it might not be me who decides what will be my last puzzle. When I arrived home it was with the kind of relief I never thought possible. I am forever learning more about myself and those first few steps through the front door made it clear to me I was in the thrall of some kind of addiction. No matter what the price was, I told myself over and over again that I would pay it and move on. I would change addresses if I had to or pay someone to physically slap the damn pencil out of my hand if I went to complete another crossword! God knows I have the money. I will climb this final hurdle, I told myself, and see it through. And yet… I don’t know. I half-expect there to be some ghoulish double-entendre hiding in the words but for the life of me I cannot see one. It seems more like a hideous joke - one I don’t really understand. I have a possible word choice and it certainly fits but… It’s been weeks and I can’t bring myself to write it in. This is the final clue! The final step at the end of this increasingly desperate adventure and I can’t figure it out. I’m half-tempted to say that I won’t see another answer because I don’t want to finish it. That might be it, surely? I’m an addict. I’ll admit that all too readily and this wouldn’t be the first time I took things too far. It’s just… The handwriting these clues have been written in, 4 down. I keep expecting some terrible interpretation to come true, to find a severed hand by my door, or to awake missing most of my fingers. It’s a strange thing but I have come to find myself ruminating often on the look in the old man’s eyes. For while I am sure that I saw something terrible and beautiful deep within the popping veins of those suffocating retinas, it had not occurred to me until now that something was looking back. And it’s waiting for me to write in the final answer, though God knows it must be wrong for it simply cannot be possible that the answer is ‘mine’.
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I collaborated on this story with my friend, Haukur, for one of his fictional writing assignments he was doing for school. After the arduous process of translating this story from Icelandic to English we proudly share: The Humbug‘s game Space-Mississippi, Planet: unnamed, but one word to describe it could be ‘sandy’. The locals liked to call it that, Sandy. It was midday, the hot sunlight outside was boiling to the touch. There stood Bodega, considering the tavern before him. Dilapidated and old he thought. He went inside and sat down at the bar signalling the bartender, obviously asking for a drink. Not long had passed until a glass was filled and, in a short moment, emptied again. It had been long since he‘d visited this dump but he thought it was high time he paid Lewis the bartender a visit again. The place had the pungent aroma of weeks old urine and it looked like it could fall apart at any given moment. “BODEGA!” was heard boom from the swinging doors of the bar behind Bodega. “You‘ve avoided your debt long enough you stinkin‘ weasel, you won‘t get away this time!“ People had begun watching the commotion and the stranger closed in on Bodega. “Are you deaf or something?” Bodega stands up. The man’s dagger came swinging, Bodega was quicker. With the lazgun instantaneously airborne at the sound of the slicing dagger. In the time it takes for a blinking eye to complete its trip, the man’s head was transformed into something comparable with mum’s secret recipe porridge. The people around these parts were poor and didn’t have the highest living standards imaginable so they didn’t take much notice to the occasional person getting their brains blown out every now and then. “You haven’t gotten any worse with the years I can see, that wasn’t half bad at all.” Says Lewis, the bartender , in an ironic fashion. “Yes, I owed that man 5 dollars. Truthfully told, I had the money on me, he was simply starting to get on my nerves.” Replied Bodega. “Bodega” Mumbled Lewis. “Yepp” said Bodega. “Booodega” replies Lewis carelessly. “Mhmm?” Inquires Bodega back at him. Raising an eyebrow in a bit of confusion about what strange turn the conversation had taken. “Boooooooodega” Says Lewis again like he could go on all day. “Boooo-“ “All right!” Bodega cuts him off. “We’re done here” Then he paid for his drink and made his exit. Taking confident steps and adjusting his admirable hat as he does. Bodega was always good at making an exit, people would tell him. He agreed. The weather was hot that midsummers day, hotter than usual. Bodega felt like he was being burnt alive. Maybe, it was time to take a trip down to the casino thought Bodega. He was quite the gambler, some would say the best, and he liked nothing more than spending hours on end sitting at the table. Well, except for vaping, of course. The man from the bar, who he owed the money to, was only one of the many whom Bodega had a quarrel with. He continued towards the casino in town. AS soon as Bodega stepped inside the parlour, he experienced the sensation that the air around had suddenly become a lot cooler. Of all the things in there, there was one item that demanded his attention the most. A poster, hanging on the wall of a rich and affluent man dressed in menacing, red garments with his face covered. Under the portrait was a short description. HUMBUG: Do you think you are the best at when it comes to betting big and high-stakes gambling? Lucky in cards AND lucky in love? The Humbug hasn’t lost a game of cards in decades! Have you, yes YOU!, the nards to take on the Humbug at a Texas hold ‘em tournament? If so, show your face down at the old casino on Sunday. Bodega almost did a summersault in his excitement, never before had he had a chance to play against the galaxy-famous gambler, the Humbug. Compared to the tavern, the casino was heaven, it smelt nice like a new-opened book (not that Bodega read those things) or your bed after a long day at work. The music had a bolstering effect on the tension and Bodega felt he was at home. He sat down at one of the tables and started playing Poker all day, he wanted to be well primed and ready if he was going to face the Humbug. The day had been spent well and Bodega felt prepared for anything short of a Rhynogian train hitting him. The Rhynogians, of course, hulking juggernauts with skin that could deflect even a shot from Bodega’s lazgun and renowned throughout the sector as manufacturers of the bulkiest and biggest hunks of scrap you could call functioning spacetrains. The front of each Rhynogian train was embellished with a large and phallic horn in honour of their king, Horvar-E , the fifth in the alphabet of divine rulers of the planet Rhinoserus. As every good space historian knows, the Rhynogians are infamously bad at counting but have an outstanding affinity for poetic writing and fictional literature so they count with letters, not numbers. When sundown came and they were beginning to close the place down for the night, Bodega stood up, had a good stretch, and looked around. The place was nearly empty. Tomorrow will be the day, Bodega liked to think of in his mind as, Judgement-Sunday and he wanted to be well-rested for the tournament. It was night-time and long past Bodega’s intended bedtime. He headed home to finally get some shuteye, and when shuteye is referred to, enough sleep to get yourself through the day is what is meant, there were, after all, only 4 hours to sunrise. Outside it was dark and you could barely make your way in the darkness. After some time walking, a man skid around a corner and confronted Bodega in the road. Bodega felt the barrel of a gun press hard into his chest and froze. He heard footsteps behind himself and realized then that he was surrounded by a party of two. “Howdy partner, out for a walk I see?” The man behind laughed inaudibly. “Hand over any valuables. I want your money, not your life but try anything and I won’t hesitate to take both.” Bodega emptied his pockets slowly but left the 5 dollars he had hid in his shoe that belonged to the unfortunate soul who got his head blown off in the tavern the other day. “Thanks for that” said the man again and the last thing Bodega remembered was a hard blow to his head and a heavy fall to the ground. Bodega opened his eyes half-way. He had woken up on the road, dirt covered. His everything hurt and a small cockroach crawled up his leg. Standing up and looking around, Bodega saw that the sun was high in the sky, noon had arrived. Bodega limped towards the nearest creek and washed his face of dust. The tournament was about to begin, and without any breakfast, he strode as fast as he could muster down the one road in town, limp and all, until he stopped outside the casino. He opened the doors with a bang. Most had been seated and many eyes met his own. He took a seat at a table with two empty chairs left. At the table where three men, one with a large scar across his entire face, one with a patch over one of his eyes, and one with a long, grey beard. No-one said anything at the table, everyone was obviously completely engrossed in preparing for the tournament. After a short while of awkward silence, the doors were opened in a loud ruckus. Bodega knew immediately who it was, The Humbug. But the humbug wasn’t a ‘he’ but rather a ‘she’. It didn’t affect Bodega much, the Humbug being a woman but he heard a lot of chatter from the people around him. “The humbug, a female? Never have I heard such a colossal joke in all my years.” Said the man with the grey beard besides Bodega loudly in a screeching laughter. The Humbug had obviously heard him. She walked slowly across the indigo blue carpet and sat down in the last empty chair. Dressed in a long black coat, an archaic, old fashioned gun that fired metal instead of more common laser or ray. It suited the geography of Sandy and the only part of her face that showed were her glaringly green eyes. She stared intensely at the old man and said in a hoarse voice: “What are you waiting for? Now play!” After a long episode of cards, the three men had been eliminated from the competition and Bodega and the Humbug were the only ones left. The Humbug was out of money but instead of being eliminated said the words, noticeably distressed: “What do you say we make this a little more interesting? If you win the next hand, you get double the cash. On the other hand, if I win, I get everything.” Bodega considered this for a moment. “All right, but if I win I want to be paid in no less than three days.” Then he took a large puff of his vape and blew it out into the face of the Humbug. She was minorly deturbed. “Deal” she replied. They continued their game, and in the end of a round, the Humbug laid down her hand. 7-6-5-4-8, all spades. The room was silent. Bodega laid down his hand. 10-Joker-Queen-King and Ace, all hearts. A Royal flush! The eyes of the Humbug showed panic. “Very well, you have me beat, I shall be on my way now” the Humbug said and got up from the table and walked away. When she was half-way out the door, Bodega shouted “Three days!” She excited the casino. Bodega was pleased, this was enough money to buy a platinum-thread woven holster for his lazgun. A purchase he was determined to make as soon as he received the money. He went back to his spaceship. The only thing left undone before leaving for the Emerald galaxy of the fashion police was to collect the debt. One day passed, no word from the Humbug. Another day gone but nothing, still. The humbug was still in town and Bodega had begun to suspect the Humbug of not going to hold her end of the bargain. After five whole days, there was still no sign of payment. Bodega felt it was time to go search for the Humbug. The first place Bodega decided to go check out was the tavern. Luckily, he needn’t look any further. The long coat sat at the bar on a large stool, back facing Bodega. “HUMBUG!” Screamed Bodega. “Who do you think you are. You owe me and you are long past due on your deadline!” Bodega stepped close. “I don’t have the money, maybe in a month or two” said the Humbug in response without turning her head. Bodega stood, both feet firmly planted on the greying panels of Lewis’ tavern. “A month? No, you will pay me right now or that is not a safe place to sit.” In his anger, Bodega reached for his dagger but as he lifted his hand into stabbing position, Bodega realized what was going on, but it was too late. Before he could react, she fired. The archaic bullet shot through the air and disappeared into Bodega’s torso. The knife fell out of Bodega’s grip and Bodega began to fall, Dead. The bullet had hit him in the left chest, where the heart is. There was no mistaking the trajectory. Lewis, the bartender, standing near, cleaning tables, is startled and in the harsh recoil from the noise, knocks over two empty beer mugs and they fall to the ground in the direction of the falling body of a man who, mere moments ago, had been the greatest high roller the galaxies had ever seen, Bodega. “Bang!, Kshhsh!, Kshhsh!, Thump!” pierced the silence in rhythm. The shattered glass all around the body shone and glinted in the sunlight which found its way through cracks and holes in the old walls of the tavern. The glass dust whirled up all around Bodega and the light reflected and danced in all the colours of the rainbow through the splintered fractals and chips. There was something beautiful and serene about Bodega’s death. He always knew how to make an exit, people would tell him, and they would be right. With a lump in his throat, Lewis wipes away a single tear from his eye and with a trembling voice he whispers quietly, to himself, but with more meaning than anyone else who had ever uttered the words . . . “Bodega” The Humbug turned around, not at all touched by the emotional scene she had caused. “Quit your sobbing, old man. This is just how things work in the gambling industry. Although I must say, I expected more from the great and infamous Bode-Zapp!” The Humbug was instantly incinerated a shot from the barrel of a lazgun, and on the other end of it, Bodega. Alive. “My god!” proclaimed Lewis in great excitement. “You’re alive, but how did you survive the bullet?” asked Lewis in much confusion but more so in relief. “I had this on me.” Said Bodega. Lifting an old pocket watch out of his breast pocked which had stopped the bullet dead in its tracks but completely ruined its ability to tell time in any sort of relative or relevant fashion. “The watch you gave me last time I was here. Remember you had that run in with the Rhynogians and I helped you out. For my trouble, you gave me this watch.” Lewis remembered it well, both the watch and the Rhynogians. A band of them had been causing a commotion in the tavern, and before the fight turned into a cost heavy tavern-wide brawl, something that all wise bartenders fear, Bodega had them on the run, already poetising the bardic songs that would be sung throughout the Rhynogian star sector for decades on end about the epic event. “OH yeah” Lewis chuckled heartily. “Hey, do you remember the one that had that weird birth mark on his middle ear?” “Yes, that was hilarious!” replied Bodega, standing up and grabbing Lewis’s shoulder. “Speaking of killing time, I’m gonna be heading out now, but thanks for the good beer and the watchful watch. Take care of yourself, Lewis” “You too Bodega” Bodega swung back the tavern doors on their hinges and strode of into the bright desert light, taking a fat vape and twirling his lazgun in the air. Making his final exit, that day, from the tavern. Watching him from behind the bar, trying to come up with a word that could describe the way he felt at the time, all Lewis was able to utter were that eternal word, that burned inside of every star and beat in rhythm with the hearts of every man, woman, and child, a word that when uttered, demons would run and hide and everything evil in the vicinity would find itself in an unsafe place to stand. A word that could topple empires and challenge gods. “Bodega” The End.
Breakfast At Emerald Queen Casino, online poker sites for us, gradi crown casino menu, zynga poker page. When playing with an active bonus, bets (real and bonus) are limited to a total of £3, 30kr and $€5. * T&C. Bonus Amount: $20 No code required. Play! January 7, 2018. Bonus. 18+, T&C Apply,, New Customers Only. 179 reviews of Emerald Queen Hotel & Casino "This is the hotel site in Fife and is a lot smaller than the larger casino just down the road. My first trip to the EQC ended up here and I wasn't too impressed until I found out that this is where the senior bus tours came to stay and play. We got better directions and headed south on I-5 to the large casino and entertainment venue which was more Emerald Queen Casino I-5 International Restaurant, Tacoma: See 42 unbiased reviews of Emerald Queen Casino I-5 International Restaurant, rated 3.5 of 5 on Tripadvisor and ranked #198 of 774 restaurants in Tacoma. EMERALD QUEEN HOTEL & CASINO IN FIFE. 5700 Pacific Highway East, Fife, WA 98424. EMERALD QUEEN CASINO & HOTEL IN TACOMA. 2920 East R Street, Tacoma, WA 98404. CALL US 253-594-7777 . THE PUYALLUP TRIBE OF INDIANS. Quick Navigation. Gaming. Promotions. Dining. EQC Players Club. Event Calendar. Covid-19 Guidelines. Download The App . Contact Us. Open 24 Hours a day. 1-253-594-7777. EMERALD QUEEN Breakfast to dinner, you’re certain to find something delightful to dine on! VIEW MENU. TATOOSH GRILL PACIFIC RIM EXPRESS > QUICK NAV. HOME. EVENT CALENDAR. COVID-19. EQC PLAYERS CLUB. DINING. GAMING. DIRECTIONS. CAREERS. EMAIL US > CONTACT US. EMERALD QUEEN HOTEL & CASINO IN FIFE. 5700 Pacific Highway East, Fife, WA 98424. EMERALD QUEEN CASINO & HOTEL IN TACOMA. 2920 East R Street, Tacoma Book Emerald Queen Hotel & Casino, Fife on Tripadvisor: See 158 traveller reviews, 24 candid photos, and great deals for Emerald Queen Hotel & Casino, ranked #4 of 11 hotels in Fife and rated 3 of 5 at Tripadvisor. Emerald Queen Casino I-5 International Restaurant: TERRIBLE BREAKFAST IN CAFE SUNDAY MORNING. - See 42 traveler reviews, 10 candid photos, and great deals for Tacoma, WA, at Tripadvisor. Tatoosh Grill at Emerald Queen Casino $$ Most of the menu items minus the breakfast menu is just okay. September 2020. What a place! I would've never came here had my in laws not have brought us here for breakfast one time! Now we go here at least once every couple weeks. I always get the Prime Rib which is to die for and as always there's no tax on the reservation! Once you go through the Emerald Queen Casino: great place for breakfast - See 238 traveler reviews, 11 candid photos, and great deals for Tacoma, WA, at Tripadvisor. Emerald Queen Casino I-5. Call Menu Info. 2024 E 29th St Tacoma, WA 98404 Uber. MORE PHOTOS . Dinner Menu Appetizers. Emerald Queen Hot Wings $9.95 chicken drumettes, fried with special coating and hot pepper sauce. served with carrot/celery sticks and bleu cheese dressing. Shrimp Cocktail $8.95 classic shrimp cocktail, served with our spicy cocktail sauce. Portabella Mushroom Caps $8.95
EMERALD QUEEN CASINO AND BUFFET, TACOMA, WASHINGTON - YouTube
Puyallup Tribe’s new Emerald Queen Casino will have more gaming machines, five restaurants, a 2,000-seat entertainment venue and an adjacent hotel with rooft... About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators ... EMERALD QUEEN CASINO I-5 INTERNATIONAL RESTAURANT At EMERALD QUEEN CASINO AND BUFFET, TACOMA, WASHINGTON the food is delicious with seafood as a prime feature of the buffet food. We enjoyed Thanksgiving dinn... At the Emerald Queen Casino with my Mother In-Law.First $.50 bet on the slot game named “Twice Your Monkey” an I won $125.00 - Gotta love it. So far 2021 is ... Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube. Fife releases police chief's personnel files http://www.komonews.com/news/local/132367948.htmlFife police officer under investigation for second time this ye...